Living, Loathing, Loving
by Pennypenngo
Summary: The crack in the curtains said it all for Emma...it was morning, but not just any morning, it was the morning of the one day that she had been dreading for months. "Come on Em...it's Henry's birthday! It will break his heart if you don't celebrate!"
1. Self Loathing

**Hey Guys! The wait for the next season is almost over - thank goodness! I plan to write a second chapter ASAP, but hey, a little encouragement *cough cough* review, would go a long way (motivation + work = results) :P**

The crack in the curtains said it all for Emma...it was morning, but not just any morning, it was the morning of the one day that she had been dreading for months. Emma groaned, how could everyone find this day so happy? Even the sun was shining brightly, and Emma did not think that she would ever be able to do so much as to leave this bed. Emma curled herself further into her blankets before her thoughts were interrupted by the creak of her door.

"Good morning Emma. It's time to wake up Hun, Henry will be here in an hour!" Snow greeted cheerfully, opening the curtains causing the sunlight to explode around the room. Great. Even the sun was mocking her. Emma grumbled "Can't" before curling into the blankets further to block out the sun.

"Come on Em...it's Henry's birthday! It will break his heart if you don't celebrate" Snow said happily. This made Emma feel incredibly guilty, what was she supposed to do? Everything just felt so heavy. So hard. Deciding that she was in no condition to run, Emma tried the next best thing.

"Go away Mary Margaret" Emma mumbled into her pillow. Snow felt the room drop about ten degrees, Mary Margaret? What was going on? She was 'Snow'...and - more often that not, even 'Mom', but she hadn't been Mary Margaret for months, years even.

"Em..." Snow started, she wasn't really sure what to say. To be honest, Snow had no idea what was going on. "What's up? Are you sick?" Snow asked, wrestling with the blankets to gain access to her daughters forehead. Emma flung her arms out randomly, before answering Snows question with "not sick". Snow sighed, frustrated "Emma, please talk to me...I can't help you if I don't know what's going on" Snow pleaded, before carefully peeling back the blankets to reveal Emma's tear stained face.

Emma stared at her mother for what felt like hours before rolling away from Snow and pulling the covers back over her face. "Em-" Snow started, and that was all that it took for Emma to release the laboured sobs that had been burning the back of her throat for what had felt like centuries.

Snows heart crumpled for her daughter, and she felt like she would collapse into a puddle of tears then and there, Emma very rarely cried - she was a tough cookie with a reputation to upkeep. Snow lay down beside Emma and rubbed comforting circles on her back, trying desperately to not feel hurt by Emma's practically routine flinch when she did so. It wasn't long before Snow found herself giving in to her motherly instincts and hugging Emma fiercely, whispering that everything would be alright, not only for Emma, but also for herself. Snow was afraid, she did not know why her daughter was so upset. Had somebody hurt her? Was Emma in danger? Should she be afraid also?

Soon enough, Emma's cries had developed into nothing more than double breathing, and Snow found herself retreating a few inches to give Emma space to turn around. Emma never did turn around, but instead, spoke in a voice that - to Emma's credit, did not waver nearly as much as it should have, "Mom, I don't think I can get up today. Can...I...can you-" Emma paused and attempted to swallow back the weight that had gathered in the back of her throat "I need you to tell Henry that I love him, but I can't see him today. Just tell him I'm sick or something" Emma pleaded before cocooning herself deeper into her blankets.

Snow just lay there staring at the ceiling, what was she supposed to say? She agreed that Emma was in no state to get up, but she also could never tell her grandson that his mother didn't want to see him, besides, Emma being "sick" wouldn't stop him anyway, he loves her. Snow decided to repeat what she had said before, "Emma...honey. Please talk to me".


	2. Loving

**Authors Note: Hey everybody! When I originally posted this story, I intended on posting this chapter the same day as the first chapter (as I had already written it). I later assumed that I had done just that, which I obviously hadn't. Anyway, I apologise for leaving this half finished for so long. This isn't the last chapter of this story, so stay tuned for more!**

 **Please Review! It's a a miracle cure for lack of motivation, forgetfulness, dodgy proof reading and writers block! A few word is all it takes :) :) :)**

Snow decided to repeat what she had said before, "Emma...honey. Please talk to me".

Emma sighed and ran her hands up and down her face in an aggressive attempt to clear it of tears and Snow felt her heart pull in more directions than she felt possible. Snow clasped her hands over Emma's and guided them away from her face. She then sat up against the headboard and placed Emma's head in her lap, raking her fingers through the sea of curls.

Emma stared at the wall opposite her with a blank expression on her face "Today is Henry's birthday" she mumbled. Snow only hummed in response, seemingly entranced by trailing her fingers through Emma's hair. Emma frowned and looked up at Snow, who momentarily stopped running her hands through Emma's hair. "Today, thirteen years ago, I gave my baby away" Emma whispered _,_ shaking silently with sobs.

Snow started running her hand down the side of Emma's face, failing to hold back the silent tears that were now streaming down her face. A few minutes later, once Emma had collected herself somewhat, she started speaking again.

"I gave Henry away because I gave up on myself. I was supposed to protect him, but I couldn't even hold him, let alone look at him. I just felt so guilty because he was going into a world that I had tried so hard to leave, a world where I was valued no more than a punching bag and fed less than a cat-" Emma trailed off, and Snow interrupted "...but Emma, he was okay. Regina loves him, and Henry has forgiven you". Emma sighed, frustrated. "...but I haven't forgiven me. He got lucky, but what if he hadn't?". Now was Snow's turn to sigh. The only had 45 minutes now, and they weren't really getting anywhere. "Hey Em. What do you say I ask Regina to bring Henry around for a late lunch instead of morning tea? It will give you at least another hour or so to sort yourself out." Emma, who had partly retreated back to her nest of blankets at the removal of her mothers hand from her face and hair, nodded out a thanks, and Snow eased herself off the bed to make the phone call.

When Snow returned, she found Emma lying on her side holding what appeared to be an old ultrasound photo. "Is that Henry?" Snow asked, she knew what the answer would be, but also that jumping to assumptions with Emma in such an emotional state could be dangerous. "Yep." Emma replied, tracing the black and white blob with her finger. From that one word Snow could tell that Emma was rebuilding her emotional walls, but for once, she wasn't going to challenge them because she knew that Emma was going to need them to get through today. Snow decided that she would just have to demolish them another day.

Snow took a deep breath. She knew that making Emma feel guilty would destroy any glimpse of progress that had been made, but she also knew that it was vital that Emma knew what was going on "Regina and Henry aren't coming until about 1 o'clock, and if you don't feel up to seeing them then, then that is absolutely fine because we can sort something else out" Snow reassured Emma, who didn't reply, continuing to run her finger around the image. "Is there anything at all that I can do to help you sweety?" Snow asked, slightly frustrated that the endearment had escaped her lips as she did not wish to make Emma to feel any more vulnerable than she already felt, "I could fetch you something to eat?" Snow added. Emma shook her head, her gaze still fixed on the image. Snow took that as a 'no' and settled down beside Emma. Sure it would no doubt be a tough day, but perhaps this was exactly what she needs to prove her love to her daughter.


	3. Living

**Authors Note: I am terribly sorry that this is taken so long! I seriously have no excuse other than pure laziness! I would like to say that I personally hate how this story ends (it's WAY too rushed for my liking), but I fear that if I add another chapter, I may never write it! I am sorry in advanced...and I hope that I return and re-write the ending of this!**

 **Please review! I take (polite) criticism well, and it really motivates me to write more!**

It was like watching a puppeteer with a puppet...that's how Snow would best describe it as she watched Emma manipulate her face as she tried to rid it of the desperation that she felt. Regina and Henry had arrived no less than an hour before, but the glances that she had received from the pair and Charming when they had realised that Emma was battling more than just a stomach bug, had implied that maybe she wasn't the only one who was worried.

Overall, the gathering was going as well as expected, but as any good monster should, eventually Emma's pain clawed his way out. Ironically, it wasn't Henry's heartfelt response to the cards that did it, nor was it the kid himself, but instead, it was the stupid video game that she had bought him. The silly game where you drove around like an idiot and tried your best to ditch the cops when things went wrong.

Emma and Henry were playing the game under the watchful eye of Regina, Snow and David, as they had been for quite some time. Although they had all had a few turns, Henry had been using it for the majority of the time, and Emma had been happily giving him tips. There hadn't been any issues, and Emma had almost seemed okay, until she said "No, you can't drive up that road because the cops-" and Regina cut her off with "Emma, enough with the tips...we wouldn't want a criminal in the family."

Everyone froze. Emma nodded, pretending to brush her off as if nothing had happened. She counted backwards from ten. Then twenty. Then thirty. "For the sake of the kid" she told herself as she counted, "after all, it is his birthday. I wouldn't want to ruin it by being angry or upset." Thankfully, it seemed although Henry hadn't noticed the drop in atmosphere, and David decided that he would like to keep it that way.

Sending a glance to his wife and step-mother in-law, David tapped Henry on the shoulder and proceeded to drag him from the apartment claiming that Granny had promised him a free beverage of his choosing as a birthday treat. Despite being hesitant to leave the others, the thought of a hot cocoa with extra cream and cinnamon won, and Charming was soon running to keep up with his excited grandson.

Having abandoned the game, Emma stood up and joined Regina and Snow White on the couch. Regina sighed and began the conversation that they were all dreading, reasoning that it would be better to get it over and done with sooner, rather than later.

"You know that I didn't mean a word of what I said, don't you Emma?" Regina inquired. She new full well that Emma would always have her doubts, but she could not help but acknowledge that Emma was full of surprises. At the lack of response, Regina took this as her cue to speak again.

"You know how protective I was and still am about Henry. I did everything in my power to prevent the innocent 'Snow White' from teaching my child...do you really think that you would still be here if I thought that you were a threat to him or this town? I trust you Emma. You are not a criminal, you never were. You were a victim of your upbringing, an upbringing that I forced upon you. I hope that one day you will understand how sorry I am for that."

Emma looked up. She knew that later she would deny the tears that were in here eyes, but for the moment, she was happy to let them blur her vision of Regina and her mother. She did not need to look into the former Evil Queens eyes to see whether she was lying, she got the proof from the words. Besides, her super power has proved unreliable in the past.

She blinked her eyes free of tears, only to be smacked in the face by a flying pillow. At the raised eyebrow and amused smile, Regina justified that it was payback for the years of changing diapers and soothing fevers that she painfully endured. At this, Snow White declared war and soon the trio were in a full on pillow fight.

Upon returning home, Henry, who was sporting what remained of a milk moustache, walked in to a chaotic mess consisting of an upturned coffee table, pillows, and more than a few stray feathers. Motioning to Charming, they each snuck up on their targets, Henry tackling Regina, and Charming tacking the other two, attacking them with tickling that resulted in fits of laughter.

After the men being declared the winners, Henry smiled and announced "This has been the best birthday ever, I'm so glad that I have both of you here with me" Henry said, gesturing towards his mothers. Although Emma still felt guilty, she new that she was on the way to being okay, and right now, that would be enough!

 **So there it was! It sucks, I know...sorry!**


End file.
